There is a Time for Every Purpose, Including Grief
Yesterday, I set the alarm to wake up. Then I advanced it a few minutes earlier to make sure I would not miss the exact moment of remembrance. But I awoke earlier than planned and groggily turned it off. For a few minutes, I mused about my expectations before drifting back to sleep.
Now I'm awake. Thinking about that day—trying to grasp the mystery of it. It seemed as if time had stopped. It was the longest day of my life and brought an emotional depth from which I thought I would never recover. Yet at the same time, there was an inner peace that still passeth my understanding. In that fog of pain, there was a calm that kept me grounded. I have not forgotten it.
"Time will heal." Those 'words of comfort' seemed to pierce my heart like daggers! So I prayed to God for help. And I am so grateful that He did. Time has taught me that I can choose to spend my days as a tale that has been told, or look forward to tomorrow. Morning by morning comes with its own new mercies. That day can be set as a time of remembrance. But there is no need to linger beneath its shadow and be boxed in its self-restricted time zone to revisit grief and sorrow.
So finally, it's here. That date. And yes it still hurts. But the severity of the pain has eased, and for that I am grateful. However, I do not want the reality of that comfort to fade, because it gave me the grace to go on and more proof of God's love and compassion. I could not see it then, but that mustard seed of sorrow has added to my faith. It is a marker to remind me how powerful God's presence was and how He enriched my life before, as well as afterward.
This gives me strength for today and hope for tomorrow. And most importantly a reminder to stay focused on Eternity: For I too am passing through this time called Life; and this is a part of my journey. I must keep looking unto Jesus who is The Way and not get distracted.
As I was writing this, another alert sounded giving me the option to snooze or to close. I chose the latter. Who knows what will happen if I have a next year? Lord willing, I'll continue to set the reminders. But today I'll remember with rejoicing and thankfulness the time had, and not just the day that ended it.
"Lord, thou hast been our dwelling place in all generations...
So teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom."
~ Psalm 90:1-2